is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
