when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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