ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
