I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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