why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
