I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
