Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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