Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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