Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I party with great urgency now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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