Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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