Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
