Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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