dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
