He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
