sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
