she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
