He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He? As in you personified your dick?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When are your genitals available?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
