Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
