I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
