break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
