I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
