i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
