her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
