dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
