i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
