We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
