i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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