The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize