Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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