Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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