Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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