At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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