you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
