There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
