The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
