Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
