So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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