i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
