Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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