I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
