On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this will be a night to untag.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
