EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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