piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
