you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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