Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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