I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
