am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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