I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
