he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
