my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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