I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
