I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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