It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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