I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
