he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
