I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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