My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you made out with another girl for some wings
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
