I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
