I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
