Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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