Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
