I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i out mim tonsoeep
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