you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
