I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
