I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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