I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
