I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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