Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
