I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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