drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
