Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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