Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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