so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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