woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
